We came home from the camp today and me and Michael still aren’t back to being proper friends. I try so hard to act natural around him, but gee it’s hard. And he doesn’t know how to act around me either and I think it’s because he regrets our evening of passion. I think Michael has decided that he’d rather be friends than lovers, but because he’s that nice he doesn’t know how to tell me. And he probably doesn’t want me to think he was using me, even though he probably was. I am worried that he didn’t enjoy our kissing. Maybe he thought I’d be better than I was because everyone is always saying what a good kisser I am. God, why didn’t I kiss Darrell or Scott at spin the bottle? I could have had any of those boys, and then everything would be still okay with me and Michael. Why can’t I get over this? Maybe because he’s not the same old Michael now I’ve kissed him. Maybe now we’ve shared passion, things will always be different. Bloody passion messes up everything. I AM NEVER KISSING ANYONE I LIKE EVER AGAIN!!!!!

Friday December 6th

Oh, Jesus, oh guess the bloody hell what! Cheryl reckons she’s in love with Michael and she always has been. Bullshit! There’s no way she could get him. He deserves better than her or me, but especially her. We went to the Suzi Quatro concert tonight (me, mole-face, Bevan, Rhonda and Dino) and it was grouse. I went really wild near the end and my head was so heavy, I had to hold it up with my hands. I thought a lot about Michael and how I’ve lost the friend I’ve known the longest. I’ve never been through anything worse in my life than this.

Saturday December 7th

Did I tell you I’ve got a job at the milkbar? Well, I have, and it’s turned out to be the worst thing and the best thing. Worst, because I’m not at home to stop the fighting if it starts, and best because Michael comes down all the time to keep me company. Cheryl comes down too and she always tries to drag him outside to talk only to her and not me. He’s too nice to tell her that he’d rather stay with me. It’s pathetic to see her making such a fool of herself. I am so much in love with Michael I can’t think straight. What’s happening to me? Whenever Michael comes into the shop, I go all churny and shy. I think it looks like I’m snobbing him, but I’m not. I just don’t know what to say. It’s even a relief when Cheryl and him go around the side. Cheryl said to me tonight, “it would be grouse if you and Michael would go together, but you wouldn’t go with him, would you?” I said “no” but I reckon I would (not that I will have a chance in a million though). All I can do is pray to God that Michael at least still likes me. He’ll never love me. I’m not sweet enough for him. I’ll never get him no matter how hard I try. Sob, sigh, sorrow.